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Survival & Searching Of Ones Self
Many Miles From With In
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Has a story of life as I saw it through a vision of life itself. The
story of which was not a dream but a future of life in which I didn't
understand. But in later life discovered the true nature of the vision
from above. For this vision is a direct result of a God that watches
over us all.
Has I begin to walk through the time of life that was given to me, I
faced many challenges that were unforeseen by the inner being of ones
self, accept to know it happens for a reason in which I continue to find
out later.
Street Life the ways of the way, the lonely path of the unknown, the
true story of survival.
When I was conceived by my father and mother, I grew up in a family of
divorce. I moved around allot to overcome the feelings of love towards
both of my parents who I deeply admired for the discipline was there but
I was somewhere else.
It led me to run a way but for some reason I kept coming back. Just like
the "Wizard Of Oz", "there's no place like home".
Suddenly I grew tired of it and stayed out for longer periods of time.
But always came home to protect and inform my family of a severe storm
coming our way. Then the time came were enough was enough and new step
parents were around with new families to get used too. I left and didn't
come back for weeks and months.
So many things, so many miles, so many storms, so many people, so much
walking, so much wondering what is next to eat or even to sleep safely,
so many rides from strangers I never met before to get from one point to
another, but the other point was missing the majority of the time. I
really did see the beauty of nature in it's glory like walking in the
sand and seeing the footprints from behind.
Traveling across the United States facing challenges of survival
everyday. Knowing that in this time of need I was not alone, for some
reason I felt a presence with me no matter what happen or took place. With
many sources of a ride. From cars, trucks, semi trucks, trains, and my
own two feet. Suddenly I was faced with drugs, a high that got me no
were but hurt to myself, were the only items I had were gone and stolen
from me leaving me with nothing but the clothes on my back.
The days going by, many miles from home, I knew of God but didn't really
fully understand. Suddenly out of the blue, a man came to speak with me,
I was scared, confused, and lonely but I was sober. I did the only thing
I could think of and used my senses of which God created for me. I went
with this guy, he brought me to his home. He opened his heart and his
life to me, introducing me to his lovely family in which a prepared meal
was set for me to eat. Later I left but before I did, he gave me $20.00
to use on whatever I needed and said go out and be safe. I left back on
the road to the unknown path.
With what seemed days turned into weeks, then into months. The only
place of shelter was a place with people I didn't know and once again
drugs was a part that was a way until that dreadful night of high that
was not just a high but a warning of life.
Going from state to state meeting all kinds of people, it was the only
thing I new. Back and forth I went going on and on the same way for
several years. Until I met another family that was of God's family. A
family of love and worship and of faith and hope. I'll never forget them
for they brought me in there home and brought to a church, but it wasn't
just any church it was a Christian Pentecostal church. If you
should ever see this here is the names of the people, I still have your
gift that you gave me on that day in California and that was the record
album of, "Bob Dylan", "Shot Of Love", Thank You
Charles & Ann, For you wrote on the back cover, "from Charles n
Ann We love you - Neglect not the gift that is in you -" With the
light shining bright again I had found with in myself the meaning of
true life but for some reason God wasn't done with me yet and yet there
was more learning and heartache to go through.
On the way back home. I ran into a ride that was a new experience that
led to doing things in a adult fashion way in which was yet another part
of life that I was unaware. I'll never forget that ride or what took
place but at least I got through it and that guy was happy and it's all
he cared about was himself. I never saw him again after he finally
dropped me off at the exit were I proceeded on ward towards home. For
some reason this journey continued much the same way with others on this
trip back home.
Finally back home in Minnesota, I couldn't cope with my family or
myself, and was admitted in hospitals were I knew I was safe, at least I
had a roof over my head and food 3 times a day. The treatment plan was
hard but I got through it the best I could. But it was time for release
and I left once again. Over the same path on the road sticking my thumb
out and searching for something that I couldn't find.
All the feelings were with in, and all I had to do was reach out back
but I didn't. Back at the west coast again I saw more things then I ever
want to think of but I managed. Suddenly my life was turning a new way
for I didn't understand accept I didn't like seeing people get hurt. But
I didn't care about myself because I new God was watching and taking
care of me. Over the days and weeks and months, I discovered my faith in
God and for some reason he new exactly when He was going to provide me
with his gifts on the road.
Then with the strength of courage I ventured out further to California
and Washington State to understand people and ran into a young lady whom
I never saw before and during that time, I was so depressed and lonely
but she knew something I didn't. She introduced herself to me, "Hi,
don't be afraid, my name is Rachael, are you alright?" Well I said
when I looked up and saw what looked like a angel from heaven.
"Yeah I am alright, but it is a honor to meet someone like you. My
name is David." I was so shell shocked, she was so beautiful and
yet I looked like a guy who was so dirty in grungy clothes and stuff.
She invited me to go with her to her house and I more then accepted. No
we never had sexual relations together. She told me to please wait here
on the steps in front of the house, so I sat down and waited. Suddenly I
heard all kinds of yelling from inside the house. She was so scared or I
thought she was, then she was about to tell me something when a older
guy appeared at the door and told me to get off his property. I got up
and left but before I could, Rachael said to me, I know I don't know you
but I am in love with you and I want to invite you to my church Sunday.
Sure I said but how and where and stuff? She gave me the address and a
contact number. I didn't know the name but to be at this place at a
certain time, were a ride was to await me. The ride showed up and
brought me to the church. I waited outside and didn't go in this time,
but there she was in all her beauty, Rachael a love of life. Well to say
the least, we just sat together holding hands and afterwards we talked a
bit and gave each other a hug. Then she said, "my dad is really mad
at me for bringing you over and I told him, I just wanted to help
you.", I said back to her, "I understand Rachael". Well
her ride showed up and she gave me a kiss and hug and said, "David,
I'll never forget you and the stories you had told me, I confess to you
I Love You and someday we'll be together." She turned and left, and
we both didn't even say goodbye. Well Rachael if you ever see this I am
still around and I have not forgotten you, your in my heart there will
always be a place for you my love because no matter what relationship I
am in, you will be the one. Ever sense then, every girl named Rachael or
women I see online or other places named Rachael I wonder if it's her.
I was back out on the road once again doing what I only new how to do.
More days going by and going from place to place, I ran into a another
guy who just happened to see me at my lowest point or so it seemed. He
brought me to his house to get cleaned up and had his family prepare a
meal for me. But I had to go afterwards but he gave me, $10.00 for the
road and told me to stay a way from a few places along the way back
home. I took his advice but wondered how am I supposed to avoid those
places if I have to pass them by. Well I got a ride after ride through
all these places until I was in the middle of no where. Walking down the
entrance ramp unto the freeway, a trucker had stopped. I wasn't feeling
very well and he got out of his cab and says, do ya need a ride son?
Well jump on in here, he says,. Okay thanks so much, I am so tired. We
talked a bit and he asked were I was going and stuff and I told him back
to Minnesota again. Uhh, okay there, I am heading that way but will be
continuing to the east. Okay I said, that's great. Hey he says, go jump
back in that sleeper and take a nap if you like. Well thank you very
much, I might just take ya up on that, suddenly I just fell asleep right
there in the seat. After a few hours, I awoke. Later he even started
going over semi truck stuff and lingo. It was really cool. We had
stopped a few times because of weigh scales and that sort of thing and
one time he had sowed me how to adjust the axles in the rear of the
trailer and many other things. Later on a few more hours, he just out of
the blue says, I could go for a big fat juicy steak and potatoes, you
like them Dave? Oh yeah I do. Well let's go eat up here a little further
up the road. I'll take care of it for ya don't worry a thing. Um, the
place is were I'll be dropping you off at but I am sure you'll get
another ride. Okay great I said, and thanks again, good buddy. Oh that
meal was so good. After a while I walked back to the freeway where I
stood there with my thumb out waiting for another ride. A car finally
stopped and took me through to Iowa but a snow storm was a brewing big
time. So the driver had to cut it short and dropped me off at the truck
stop. Brrr it was cold, and I didn't hardly have a thing to wear. After
I got inside the truck stop, I turned the corner and just sat down in
the chair to see the television, suddenly I dosed off. After coming too
and still pretty full I saw what time it was, it was getting late in the
afternoon. But instead of leaving right a way, I called by dad collect
from Iowa just to let him know I was okay, he was glad I was okay but
also informed me that there's a big snow storm and to be safe, okay I
said, well I love ya, see ya when I get there. So I went back to the
chair and sat down watch some more TV, suddenly reports were coming in
that the snow storm will be effecting northbound traffic. So I decided I
better get out there and try to get a ride. So I walked back to the
freeway entrance in the cold and snow, freezing my butt off. Just as I
was about to give up a ride showed up, oh warmth I said, oh thank you so
much. Where ya headin'? Minnesota I said, well your in luck I am going
into the cities. Oh God, thank you I said to myself. Then suddenly
realizing the freeway was being closed down on because of the snow. Here
I was again walking with the snow and the cold, towards a another truck
stop, smaller then the last one, but at least even this one was opened
24 hours like the other one was but a bit smaller. Well I found a chair
and fell asleep till the next day. I was getting pretty hungry again,
but new I had to get home. I ask around this time if anyone was heading
northbound towards Minnesota. No one seemed to want to answer, but I was
told the freeway is open again, so I just ventured out to the entrance
ramp and waited what seemed forever shaking in my shoes, the sad thing
was I didn't even have a jacket, just the clothes on my back and a lite
wind breaker. Well I car stopped and I got inside just barely, he just
came out and said, I am heading towards Minnesota and your welcome to
the ride till I have to turn off. Okay I said, thank you, um, do you
have any more heat? Well he turned up the heat and I finally unthawed.
The skies were clearing very slowly that day. But I didn't realize the
time and I must have fell asleep again. It was dark out already but at
least it wasn't snowing. Well he said, I gotta towards 35w north, oh
wow, that's perfect if you don't mind me saying so. Um, just dropped me
off in Bloomington, and I can more then find my way so he did. But he
didn't just drop me off, he dropped me off at my dad's house right in
front and just said, hey, be safe and take it easy would ya, bye.
I went to the back door, and I knock on the door before i went inside
because I didn't know what to expect. My step mom answered the door and
was so surprised, well get in here and get warmed up, she always cared
and wanted the best for me. But my dad was there in the living room were
we saw each other and it was a moment of relief on his face, we talked
for several hours about what I was going to have to do. If it wasn't for
both my parents and treatments I don't think I would have made it. I
thank God, my parents, and the hospitals for the treatment and the tools
I was able to use and apply in my life.
After all that I was admitted into hospitals once again and was put into
foster care situations and half way houses. But I kept on running and
from what? I didn't know. I just loved people so much. But finally after
more hospitals and treatments I started to settle down somewhat.
But I found myself back on the streets but this time on my own ground
and didn't leave Minnesota but saw the same things here I saw all the
places I traveled too. It was such a mess. Then a US Army recruiter ran
into me and I explained the situation to him, he opened his house to me
for the night. Well I signed up in the United States Army. The best
thing I ever did. He got me set up with school and I got enough credits
to graduate and then I was able to take the test downtown and I passed.
I started recruiting people and received my first promotion before I
went into active duty status and had my first stripe by the time I got
to my base for training.
I wanted to keep the story at a PG level and did not include the
realities of the painful existence that I felt from myself or saw from
others. I witnessed so much and saw so much. I hope those people
survived because I know that some had passed a way. I want to thank all
those people out there for there help but especially want to thank God
for not giving up on me. I love you all.
Do you have a story of your own? Care to share it with me? Feel Free,
your not alone.
Do you need a friend to talk to? Or just want a friend? Feel Free, Your
not alone.
David Carlson
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